About

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Welcome!

 

My story:

 

I went to art school but instead of going out and becoming a full time artist, I moved to New York and started working in not-for-profits in the hopes that I would have time to paint after work. Well, that didn’t exactly go as planned. For the next five or so years I worked in different not-for-profits (awesome) but I didn’t get a chance to really work on my art (not so awesome).

In 2001, I got a job as a caseworker for a social service agency on Staten Island. I remember it was the summer because I had barely been at work for a month or two when 9/11 happened. I was in lower Manhattan coming off the R train at Whitehall to get to the ferry when the 2^nd plane hit. Although I can’t erase the sound of it or the sights out of my mind, I don’t think that was the only thing that brought on my PTSD symptoms. It was the planes overhead and the constant military presence in the subways. It was going down to ground zero with my boss (who lived there) before it was allowed – it was going through all of the military check points to get to his condo – it was seeing what was no longer there. And then there was an incident with a client’s mother that I can’t forget and don’t want to re-live. At the time I put that incident front and center as the cause but looking back, it was probably all of it.

Despite the stress and anxiety, I moved forward. I love helping people and it meant so much to me that I went back to school to get a MSW. I don’t think I knew or admitted to myself how completely stressed and overwhelmed I felt. I did self-care – I painted, worked out, spent time with friends. But it was still taking a toll. My therapist at the time told me to literally stop to smell the roses. I tried and couldn’t. Being in the moment felt impossible.

Four years later, after being completely burnt out as a social worker and therapist, I was laid off. And even though that summer I had just married someone I loved very much, I had this huge cloud hanging over me that I couldn’t shake.

I finally had time to really pick up a paintbrush again and started to incorporate art back into my life but the stress was still there. Soon after my (then) husband and I decided to move to Chicago where our parents lived to start a family.

There we were, caravaning our car and a small u-haul from NYC to Chicago. Once we got out on the open road - that was when it happened – I saw the sky again. It was so big and blue and beautiful.  And I remember taking this deep breath. This was what I had been missing all of these years and I hadn’t even realized it.